Destiny: Peace

I just finished a coaching call with a couple from another country, where trauma and strife have become a way of life, unknown to those of us who reside in the US. It occurred to me, as we were exploring their collective anger and mistrust, that they have come to believe that their strong emotions are somehow outside of them; that these feelings control them in some ways; and are growing worried that the floodgates have been opened never to close. In pondering my response to this call, this came to me:

A place of happiness, peace and being content can not come from struggle. Struggle brings struggle. Fighting brings more fighting which is why we should never ever ever for any reason fight with our kids, ever. Struggle and pain and anger are not in the same emotional vortex as joy and happiness. You must laugh your way to happiness; you must breathe and honor who and where you are toward happiness; you must find everything about your day that you appreciate and express that gratitude 100 times over the number of times you express your upset. Every time you express your upset in anyway, you add to your upset. You may ask so what do I do, ignore how I really feel? No, honor that, for a period of time, and then get out of it. Choose to think, to feel and to visualize as many minutes in your day as you can, how you really want it to be.

Happiness is the way to happiness. Have you ever met anyone unhappy who can teach you to be happy? See a funny movie, talk about the love you have for each other and your children and the good that is possible, even if you can’t see it today.

It is through your intentional willingness to step out of yourself, which is the only place your dark feelings are harbored, and to step into the light. You may have been taught that you do not have the personal power to do that. That is a lie. You have the power to do what you choose to do.
Today, choose Peace~

Juli Alvarado
Coaching for LIFE
Emotional Regulatory Healing
Believing in and working toward peace for all systems, family and organizational

Peace

Peace.....
it does not mean to be in a place where there is no noise, trouble, or hard work. It means to be in the midst of those things and still
Be Calm in Your Heart~

Many of you have asked where I found this quote; I don't think I found it anywhere, it came from a workshop on Leadership I gave years ago to a state department of Child Welfare Leadership forum. However if you know of another source, do let me know. And in the meantime,
Peace~

Juli Alvarado
Creator of Emotional Regulatory Healing
Coaching for LIFE~
www.coaching-forlife.com

Life Transitions

From my new book to be released this Summer: Destined for Joy: A 100 Day Journey

DAY 16: If you think you can’t, you can’t. If you think you can, you can

Why is that we so often think and talk about what is wrong? Why is it that we love to complain? When you think and talk about what is wrong you are strengthening what is wrong! There is so much need all around you for grace, for love, for gratitude. A simple thank you is wrought with fear that those who you extend it to may somehow see you as beneath them. How on earth did we get here? It is so common for us to find ourselves in a state of negative energy for the majority of our day. We talk to ourselves about everything that could or should be different, better or more. Our tone of voice in response to a simple statement or question from our child is harsh, critical and hurtful. Our level of stress imposes itself into our every thought, word and behavior. In order for us to move from existing to living in joy, we must work intentionally and consciously to change that now. Remember, anger and love can not coexist. We are working to become more and more loving and gentle, and away from the anger and fear that has permeated our lives. If you think you can not make this transition, you can not. If you think you can, you can.

Monitor your thoughts today. Be in tune to what you say to yourself when you awake, when you are driving alone, and when you are trying to go to sleep. Write it down. Is it more negative or more positive? Begin to direct your thought energy toward gratitude, grace, forgiveness of self and others and toward positive, joy filled, healing experiences.
You can change your life by changing your thoughts!

Peace, Juli

An effective parent is a happy parent

We recieved a call in our office today from an adoptive mother looking for help with her 9 year old son. He has been diagnosed RAD, Reactive Attachment disorder for those of you who didn't know. His behaviors are escalating and mom feels 'out of control.' She is 'uncomfortable' with the recommendation from her psychologist to 'lock my son in the bathroom when he tantrums so he gets no secondary gain from negative behavior.' In her words exactly.

When I asked her how she felt endorsing this parenting intervention for a child she adopted at age 6, after 12 placements in foster homes, a failed adoption, and the recent death of his biological sister he still had contact with, she began to cry.

This is where our work began. Not with the behavior of her son, but with how she felt.

An effective parent is a happy, joy filled, content and peaceful parent.

You can not give away that which was not yours to begin with. You can not, can NOT give happiness to a child, if you have none. You can not parent a child from a place of love if you feel horrible. This mom felt horrible.

It served as a reminder for me to help all of you remember, parenting comes from the heart, not a book. Anytime a professional recommends anything that does not feel safe, loving, nurturing, caring and affectionate, do not do it.

Negative behavior met with negative behavior begets negative behavior. Period.

There are proven, effective means for dealing with tantrums and any other behavior that your child may be displaying. We must first, though, feel safe, confident, knowledgable and loving ourselves prior to parenting children back to feeling safe, confident, knowledgeable and loving!

For parenting programs based in love, respect and an objective of diminishing negative behavior, contact us:
www.coaching-forlife.com
1-866-570-0604

For now,
Peace,
Juli

Growing up in Foster Care

Hi!
Any of you watch America on LifeTime??? If you did, let us know what you thought. Post your comments here!
Peace,
juli