Coming Undone

I was thinking this morning about how peaceful life has become for me, even in this chaotic time. My life, like yours, has personal and professional stress right now, yet somehow, this is the most peaceful, happy and content I have felt in my life!

And how I want that for each of you as well!

My business is branching out in a really nice, comfortable and 'real' place for me of more spiritual coaching, life transition coaching and consulting with organizations looking to create a place of sanctuary for their employees, and although I will continue to support child welfare as we have for the past 20 years, there are more opportunities on the horizon!

I will be traveling to the UK for 10 days this summer to work with their National Foster Care Agency as well as a private sector funder in London, and will be providing organizational development work for several large child welfare agencies here in the US, as well as working to grow this new branch of integrative mind/body healing work that has captured my attention madly!

So, with all of this going on, and 5 children at home, and a business to run and marriage to maintain, how do I feel so peaceful?

I choose to no longer merely exist in the facade of false relationships:
I choose to live in the moment, not stuck in the past, not obsessing about the future:
I choose to speak my truth from a place of love, always, knowing I may lose some loved ones:
I choose to refuse to blame anyone anywhere for anything in my life:
I choose to OWN MY LIFE:

No more going through the motions; no more wondering what life would be like if I give it my all.
I give it my all.

Remember, courage is not the absence of fear, it is moving forward in its midst> I have fear, yet I have courage too!

And when I am tired, than I give only that which I can give, which may not be much, but is with love from a tired place. It is ok to be tired, it is ok to need respite, it is ok to need.

I hope that some of you reading my blog will consider joining me this August 14-16 for a healing retreat, where you too, will have the opportunity to come undone from the stress, from the anger, from the frustration and pain that has plagued you for too long. Where you will have the opportunity to create real methods for living in peace and for creating sanctuary not only for yourself but for all those whom you love.

For more information, please email me at info@coaching-forlife.com and I will send you the information for our Aug 14-16 Healing Retreat!

Until then,
Peace,
Juli

That thing you do!

You have to see this!

Take three minutes, watch and experience the mystery of loving another mother's child as your own in this unique presentation of the power of adoption!

They may look different from us, they may speak with an accent, they may have spots and you have stripes, they may be white and you are brown, but they are young, vulnerable and deserving of unconditional acceptance, love and

Relish them, they will be gone before you know it!

From the Dalai Lama~ Peace

"I believe that the very purpose of life is to be happy...in my own limited experience I have found that the more we care for the happiness of others, the greater is our own sense of well being...it is the principal source of success in life. Since we are not solely material creatures, it is a mistake to place all of our hopes for happiness on external development alone. The key is to develop inner peace."
dalai lama

Today, seek internal peace, sanctuary and grace. And then, extend that to others.

Internal peace becomes the fuel to your success. Juli Alvarado

Surround Yourself!

What do you surround yourself with? Who do you surround yourself with? What do you keep around you? What is in your home? What is on the walls? What is in your heart and in your soul? What do you feed your spirit with?



Did you know that we all surround ourselves with that which we love?

We do, it is human nature.



Why is it then that some of us surround ourselves with negative thoughts, painful memories, a head full of internal dialogue that depletes us of peace and joy? Could it be that somehow we have come to love that which we are most familiar with, even when it is bad for us? Could it be that we have convinced ourselves that there is no way out, that misery is all we have today?



I know that is hard to swallow, hard to read and even harder to believe as some of you right now are angry that I would even write this post. I just ask you to take a deep breath, read it again, and perhaps look at yourself instead of looking to blame someone else for whatever it is you may feel at this moment. NOBODY can make you feel anything, but you!



Difficult to manage children, a marriage that is struggling, teenagers that we don't really feel connected to, a job lost, a checking account that is quickly running out; do any of these or all of these combined inherently mean that we must feel bad? Is there no other way to live and we are victim to fear?



NO, you can choose to transition from victimhood to victorhood right now, here, in this moment. You can decide:

I'm going to be happy. I'm going to skip. I'm going to be glad. I'm going to smile a lot. I'm going to be easy. I'm going to count my blessings. I'm going to look for reasons to feel good. I'm going to dig up positive things from the past. I'm going to look for positive things where I stand. I'm going to look for positive things in the future. It is my natural state to be a happy person. It's natural for me to love and to laugh. This is what is most natural for me. I am a happy person! (abrahams-hicks)



Even amongst the chaos I will create internal calm so that I can give away to my loved ones that which I already have!!



Yes, YOU CAN~

interested in life coaching toward a life of more joy, more sanctuary and more peace? email us: info@coaching-forlife.com



Peace,

Juli

A day in the life of Juli: Foster Mom

A typical Saturday, on the soccer field again: Oh yea, I am a soccer mom too!

My newly placed, 3 year old foster son was determined to get on the field with my daughter. As I picked him up for about the 20th time to try to explain that it was not safe, he began to pull my hair, scream that I was hurting him, kick me, pinch me, hit me, and spit on me while yelling at me, ALL at the same time.

"Breathe, Juli, Breathe!" I felt certain everyone could hear me yelling at myself! I wasn’t sure I could walk away without allowing my state of dysregulation to play out in public! I know I don’t have to ask you if you believe that is possible! You work in foster care and adoption!! Everyone and I do mean EVERYONE at that indoor soccer arena was looking at me as if I was the worst mother, the worst possible thing that could happen to this little boy and to them.

Sweat was rolling, my arms were about to give out, my back was seriously in trouble by this point and he had thrown about 4 metal cars at anyone near us, which I could not bend down and pick up. My daughter, about to start one of the most important games of her competitive season, stood in the goalie box torn between concerns for her little foster brother, for me and for herself, as any 13 year old girl would. Oh yea, back to the, “I wasn’t sure I could walk away without allowing my state of dysregulation to play out in public.” The nicely dressed lady, sitting in her luxury folding chair with her initials on it, drinking her hot starbucks on a freezing winter day, had provided me with her parenting advise, in a not so quiet voice, “if you don’t get this under control now while he is little, you never will. You can not let a little boy get everything he wants, huff huff and puff puff.”

Ok, I added the huff huff puff puff~ and into dysregulation I began to spiral!

STOP/DROP/ROLL (one of the parenting interventions I teach in Emotional Regulatory Parenting) saved her from some uglyness; ugly words, or perhaps even a little kick from a little boy whom I could not control as I decided how close to get to her with him in my arms, making my getaway to the outside world where his screaming would not penetrate so deeply those around us.

Really, if not for the journey I have traveled, the transitions I have made and work I continue to do moving from chaos to calm in my own life, I would have completely gone mad on her, right there in public. I was giving this little boy who had been with me no more than a week, all of the energy I had so as not to loose it and hurt him or myself in some way. For God's sake did she not have any clue why he could be acting this way??? Oh yea, of course she didn't, nor did I!

He had pushed me to the brink of physical and emotional limit that I had that day yet I was consumed with proving to him that NO MATTER WHAT, I would not do to him what had possibly been done to him rendering him a little boy in foster care who screamed all day, slept less than 5 hours a day for the first week in my home, and had eyes wide as saucers anytime anyone approached him. Because of emotional regulation, that nice lady may continue to believe that she knows best, but I DON'T CARE.

I DO CARE about my little boy, I care about what his needs are, not mine in that moment of being judged yet again, I care about getting him alone with me so to provide whatever emotional safety I can having no earthly idea about what he is even reacting to. I care that I am a foster mother with my child’s interest first. I care about my daughter playing and want to do whatever I have to do to get back to her too.

So he and I, clinging to each other(NOT his choice!), quickly leave, go to the car, and sit in the back where nobody can hear us. I don’t touch him, I cover my head as he continues to hit, and I cry. I cry for his pain that has rendered his little system stuck in fight mode all the time. I cry for the minutes, hours, days, and weeks he has obviously endured with little nurturing. I cry for whatever has happened to him to make him believe he has to hurt me to be safe himself. I cry for all of his hurt. I cry for me, my daughter and the world of pain we are all in.

Then, I stop crying. I have cleared the fear and emotion and now have room to notice that he is sitting quietly, just staring. He says quietly, but firmly, “Don’t take my head off!” and I quietly reply, “Juli will never, ever hurt you for any reason at anytime. How about a piece of gum(gold to him!) and I get to carry you back inside with no hitting.”

He agrees! It worked, this time~ We wipe our tears, with a bit deeper understanding of each other, I fill my pocket with sugar free gum and off we go to watch the rest of the game!

That lady may never think well of me. But my foster son will and the legacy I am leaving is for him, not her. For today, I am ok. Tomorrow, we begin again. And everyday, I pray to leave the legacy that I intend to leave-

for more on emotional regulatory parenting, contact us!
www.coaching-forlife.com

Peace,
Juli

A day in the life of Juli, foster mom

A typical Saturday: On the Soccer Field Again!

My recently placed 3 year old foster son was ripping at my hair, screaming that I was hurting him, kicking, pinching, hitting, and yelling all at the same time.

"Breathe, Juli, Breathe! " I felt certain everyone could hear me talking to myself! I wasn’t sure I could walk away without allowing my state of dysregulation to play out in public! I know I don’t have to ask you if you believe that is possible! You work in foster care and adoption!! Everyone and I do mean EVERYONE at that indoor soccer arena was looking at me as if I was the worst mother, the worst possible thing that could happen to this little boy and to them. Sweat was rolling, my arms were about to give out, my back was seriously in trouble by this point and he had thrown about 4 metal cars at anyone near us, which I could not bend down and pick up. My daughter, about to start one of the most important games of her competitive season, stood in the goalie box torn between concerns for her little foster brother, for me and for herself, as any 13 year old girl would. Oh yea, back to the, “I wasn’t sure I could walk away without allowing my state of dysregulation to play out in public.” The nicely dressed lady, sitting in her luxury folding chair with her initials on it, drinking her hot starbucks on a freezing winter day, provided me with her parenting advise, in a not so quiet voice, “if you don’t get this under control now while he is little, you never will. You can not let a little boy get everything he wants, huff huff and puff puff.” Ok, I added the huff huff puff puff~

STOP/DROP/ROLL saved her from some ugly words, or perhaps even a little kick from a little boy whom I could not control as I decided how close to get to her with him in my arms, making my getaway to the outside world where his screaming would not penetrate so deeply those around us.
Really, if not for the journey I have traveled, the transitions I have made and work I continue to do moving from chaos to calm in my own life, I would have completely gone mad on her, right there in public. I was giving this little boy who had been with me no more than a week, all of the energy I had so as not to loose it and hurt him or myself in some way. He had pushed me to the brink of physical and emotional limit that I had that day and I was consumed with proving to him that NO MATTER WHAT, I would not do to him what had possibly been done to him rendering him a little boy in foster care who screamed all day, slept less than 5 hours a day for the first week in my home, and had eyes wide as saucers anytime anyone approached him. Because of emotional regulation, that nice lady may continue to believe that she knows best, but I DON”T CARE. I CARE about my little boy, I care about what his needs are, not mine in that moment of being judged yet again, I care about getting him alone with me so to provide whatever emotional safety I can having no earthly idea about what he is even reacting to. I care that I am a foster mother with my child’s interest first. I care about my daughter playing and want to do whatever I have to do to get back to her too. So he and I, leave, go to the car, sit in the back where nobody can hear us. I don’t touch him, I cover my head as he continues to hit, and I cry. I cry for his pain that has rendered his little system stuck in fight mode all the time. I cry for the minutes, hours, days, and weeks he has obviously endured with little nurturing. I cry for me, my daughter and the world of pain we are all in.
Then, I stop crying. I have cleared the fear and emotion and now have room to notice that he is sitting quietly, just staring. He says quietly, but firmly, “Don’t take my head off!” and I quietly reply, “Juli will never, ever hurt you for any reason at anytime. How about a piece of gum(gold to him!) and I get to carry you back inside.” He agrees. We wipe our tears, with a bit deeper understanding of each other, I fill my pocket with sugar free gum and off we go to watch the rest of the game!