Peace in the shadow of Pain

It was cold, dark, windy and wet when they arrived, 3am, emergency placement, siblings.

The bruising on the youngest child's face tearing me apart, silently.

The anger on the oldest child's face, seeping through every pore, tearing me apart, silently.

The blank look, vacant eyes of one of them, tearing me apart, silently.

Fear ripping through me, every part of me; what would tomorrow bring?How would I explain this to my other children, 4 of them, when we had agreed to take a break for awhile?What would I tell my clients scheduled to see me tomorrow, and the next day, and the next?How could i possibly meet all of these needs and stay sane?

6am, the sun was coming up in Denver, the youngest had not been able to fall asleep; so neither had I. But it was time to get the rest of the family up and going. Fear settles in, again, tearing me apart silently. She cries, softly, has nothing familiar to cling to, nothing had come with her.

She would not let me hold her, comfort her, get close to her. She too, has marks that I see now~ from her? or someone else? the thoughts tearing me apart, silently.

Pain and Pain and Pain and more pain.

The 3 month old sibling who was transported to a hospital instead of to foster care, has suffered multiple broken bones. they witnessed some of it, auditorily, or visually doesn't matter-that too is tearing me apart, silently. I remember the small, fragile body of my babies at 3 months-oh the pain of this.

But, ..... then, .......in the midst of this dark night of the soul, from within, comes comfort.
Comes relief, comes freedom.

I remember my mantra, taught to me by a wise soul, for the times when the pain is overwhelming and my human brain tries to convince me that I can not handle it, that I can not deal with the reality of this much pain.

"I am yours, they are yours, protect us all, bring peace. I share this pain with thee"

I repeat it over and over, offering up or out or somewhere, the pain that I can not possibly carry alone.

And it dissipates slowly, I begin to breathe and it decreases, I find my mind, my body and my spirit. I find peace again, internally.

I remember the soothing, safe, compassionate, caring, quiet, nice, gentle and understanding part of me as I slide back into relationship with some very scared childern; fully expecting some very challenging days ahead and knowing that if I am who I am always, I can do this.

I can face any challenge in this life, those I bring to me, and those that just appear, from a place of love, understanding and remaining true to who I am.

Their fear will not become my fear. Their anger will not become my anger. Their darkness will not become my darkness.

I will remain the soothing, safe, compassionate, caring, quiet, nice, gentle and understanding person that I know myself to be; regardless of what life brings.

And in that truth, I am set free. I find peace even in the shadow of pain.

Peace,
Juli
www.coaching-forlife.com

The emerging science of happiness...

A very wealthy client of mine, with more possessions than most of us have together, came to me again yesterday, complaining of his ongoing unhappiness, emptiness, lack of connection to others. all his words, not mine....

Seems the more we 'get' in this society, the emptier we somehow feel. Know what I mean?

Happiness is not just being in a good mood, or experiencing joy once in awhile.

Happiness is not a mood. Happiness is not an emotion.

Mood is biochemical...for more see www.coaching-forlife.com

Emotions come and go frequently changing.

True happiness comes when you open yourself to the optimistic possibility that in every moment of life, good or bad, hard or easy, scary or safe, there is something to learn, a direction to grow in, and an exciting possibility of something to come.

True happiness, peace and life come in living the life that is offered to you everyday, instead of fighting what life provides.

If you look around you will find more to be happy with, than to fight with.

Unless of course, you simply prefer to fight...

a list of some components of happiness:
Love
Optimism
Courage
Freedom
Health
Security
Spirituality
Altruism
Servant attitude
Humor
Purpose
Appreciation

Think of these, meditate and pray on these, work toward these.

Work toward happiness, put all of your energy, thoughts and actions toward happiness. Spend not one more minute of your life, unhappy. Its your life after all, you choose....

Peace,
Juli
www.coaching-forlife.com
A 3 day retreat to peace and happiness...
Simply Healing Retreats coming this summer, sign up at
www.coaching-forlife.com for our monthly ezine and further information

Peace Challenge: The final countdown!

this is our last posting by blog in the PEACE Challenge 2010.

You can continue to follow our encouraging work toward peace for all families, individuals and organizations by becoming a fan of our face book page at www.coaching-forlife.com and just click on Face Book right on the home page!!! Please, forward this, spread peace, do what is good for you and our world~

Are you catching the symptoms of inner peace?

Are you comfortable in your own skin?

Is the one, true voice in you calm?

Are you committed to living in love, rather than fear?

Are you ready to let go of the need for outcomes, and live fully in the journey?

Can you move into allowing life to happen instead of forcing it to happen?

Are you honest with your personal feelings?

Are you ready to quit blaming anyone else for anything and get on with your life?

Can you move to curiosity instead of judgment of differences?

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This weekend, Valentine's Day Weekend, The weekend of Love, 2010,

Let us all

Be Fully Present for this Present Moment and in it seek only Peace

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I am off for the long weekend here in beautiful, snowy, white Colorado with my family to bring peace to our lives, to our spirits, to our family. I pray that you will make the time to do the same.

Turn off the screens for awhile, get face to face, listen well, love deep, say what you would regret not saying if time had run out.....

Inner peace is the road to world peace, I pray you catch it~

Peace,

Juli

www.coaching-forlife.com

motivational speaker/organizational consultant/executive and life coach

sign up here www.coaching-forlife.com for our periodic newsletters and coming information on our Simply Healing Retreats for women, couples and families. I will be waiting to hear from you~

PEACE Challenge: Day 30

Welcome Back to the Peace Challenge!

make sure that you forward this to your team at work, your family and friends.

Hold each other and yourself accountable for the peace in your life.

Do not expect anyone else to do this for you.

This is your life, quit giving it away!

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For 40 days, from January 6-Valentine's Day 2010

The Peace Challenge

Today, February 5, 2010

we strive for EVEN MORE and push ourselves even a bit FURTHER toward a world of PEACE

Love somebody today as you long to be loved

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Peaceful loving sometimes requires that we teach that which we long for, by providing it first.

We each receive and offer love from our own paradigms of what love means to and for us. Because we have each received love and learned to give love in diverse manners, we may have to teach those whom we love now, how to love us back, by showing them~

In remaining open to our own deep needs and validating those needs through sharing them with others, we take responsibility for ourselves in a profound new way.

Others may or may not choose to remain in relationship to you and learn to love you as you need, but whether they stay or go no longer dictates your right to be loved; first by self and then by others.

The transformative surrender required in this level of giving and receiving love propels us into the world far above thought, yet spiritually and emotionally sound.

Think about one specific way that you long to be loved. Write it down. Now go out and provide to your loved one~it will soon come back.

Until tomorrow,

Peace,

juli

www.coaching-forlife.com

motivational speaker, organizational consulting, executive and life coaching

PEACE Challenge: Day 29

Welcome Back to the Peace Challenge!

Be sure to go back and review each day's work beginning January 6 thru Valentine's Day

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February 4, 2010

(today we strive for more, we push ourselves a bit further, we extend into a world of peace)

In the most challenging time during you day today, extend grace to all others

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We are all doing the very best that we can do in any given moment. However, when those moments become stressed, we become confused and at times disoriented. In our own times of stress we may act in ways that we would not typically act, yes?

We do what we do from all that we have learned about the world up until that moment in time. We can only do from what we have learned. None of us has reached the point at which we no longer need to learn......not even you~

Many of us have learned to protect ourselves, our emotions, our bodies, our spirits and out of that may unintentionally hurt others, from a place of fear. If we have been hurt, we often become the one pushing others away to 'protect' ourselves from being hurt yet again-the cycle of ongoing hurt is now perpetuated yet we are not aware of our part in it.

Everyone is doing the best they can in any given moment. Today is the day to forgive and offer grace to everyone who acts in ways that upset you, anger you, frustrate you, push you to your 'window of tolerance.'

Today, find that quiet place of peace inside, and extend it out.

Feel your wise, intelligent and loving body/mind/spirit flowing with ease through life.

Choose Peace, Choose Grace, Choose to BE who you know you can truly be.

(an excerpt from my book coming out this Spring, Peace in a Broken World)

Peace,

Juli

www.coaching-forlife.com

motivational trainer/organizational consulting/life coach/relationship expert

PEACE Challenge: Day 28

Welcome Back to the Peace Challenge 2010

For 40 days, beginning January 6 and ending on Valentine's Day, the day of love, we are working collectively to bring nothing but peace to life~

I encourage you to go back and read each daily post beginning Jan. 6 and to print them out, forward them at work, to your family and friends and to join us in Bringing Peace to 2010

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February 3, 2010

Day 28

No fighting, with yourself .....or others

In a coaching session yesterday, a newer client said to me, "I feel so stuck, I am in a rut and I know it but have absolutely no idea which way to turn, what to do, how to be or how to really change. I am stuck...."

I took a very deep couple of breaths (we had been through this same dialogue several times already) and from somewhere deep within, I replied, "I encourage you to just stop fighting and give it all up."

We were both silent, completely silent for a moment or two at which point I gently reminded her to simply breathe....and the flood gates opened. And I mean OPENED. The fight finally came out, poured out in tears and sobs and more tears for many minutes. No words, just a full, huge release of what she had been fighting with for years.

When I encourage clients to give it up and stop fighting, I am in no way implying defeat, but am instead implying victory. Fighting will never produce a real winner, for even the 'winner' must live with whatever was done to the other in order to 'win.' Fighting off what makes you feel bad, makes you feel bad, which induces the fight which makes you feel bad.....

You and I and everyone, every client (nobody is beyond the hope of healing, nobody) has an incredible source INSIDE of us, that is wise, intelligent and spirited. This source inside of us is a power if you will, a drive, a force and is infinite in spirit.

This source is waiting for you to call on it, to give in to divine surrender, to know that once you can get quiet enough to listen to what you know is right and true and just, and to follow that, you will find peace. This source is IN you, it is not anywhere outside of you. You have been made to manifest the Glory of God in all you do, and the power to do so was gifted to you at conception.

You just have to be quiet enough, removed enough from the noise of your day, to hear it and to listen and to follow.

Even in the times when we alone may not have the energy or wisdom to navigate a challenging time, situation or relationship, there is something inside of us that does.

Only in quieting the mind, calming the body and lighting the spirit can we experience the divine surrender that will offer the guidance we long for, instead of reacting to the conditions outside of us that keep us 'stuck' and overwhelmed.

Today, no more fighting; seek this source, merge with in in body/mind/spirit and feel peace infiltrate as you never have.

Until tomorrow,

Peace,

Juli

www.coaching-forlife.com

PEACE Challenge: Day 27

Welcome back to the Peace Challenge

I apologize for the time our server was down, almost a week now, and am so relieved to be back. You can still follow us on face book, coaching for life, and here too!

Thank you for joining this growing network of individuals working to create more peace in our world!

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Day 27!!(we are working for 40 days to increase peace, ending on valentines day 2010)

Today:

Focus on your need for approval from others;

what do you say and do; how do you dress; speak; answer questions? Are you the 'yes' guy?

Is somebody else's approval of you more important to you, than your own, quiet approval of self?

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If we could regain the time in life that we have spent anxiously worrying about what others think I dare say that many of us would live years longer. Instead of worrying about what the other parents think of me with my children(all children, biological, foster, adopted, friends) I would be emotionally attuned to the need of my child in that moment, maintaining relationship and having been true to myself as a parent, first. Instead of working myself to death and leaving my family too many hours in a day for a measily paycheck, I would find my passion in life, work in that and be rewarded many times over!

Your quiet, true approval of self will bring real peace, not a temporary peace, but real peace that is unshakable even in the face of others disapproval. Now that would be nice~

Consider today how you seek others approval; who do you sell yourself for daily at work and home? For whom do you put on a mask? In what ways do you compromise your integrity for the applause of others?

This existence of longing for others approval becomes a slow, toxic wasting of precious moments of life, this life, the only life you have.

Today you can choose, with integrity to be all that you can be in spirit, even in this world. Today, you can choose to earn your own, quiet approval~

Peace,

Juli

www.coaching-forlife.com

click above for FREE support toward a life of more peace

PEACE Challenge

Thursday, January 28, 2010

Thanks so much to all of you for the messages about our email and website issues. We are working on them and both should be back up within a couple of days.

Counting down, 18 days to go!

Welcome back to the Peace Challenge. Take this challenge as a family, at work or in your social/support groups but take the challenge! Go back and read the daily notes encouraging you toward increased peace beginning January 6, 2010-

Today:

If there were a tape recorder publicly announcing all of the thoughts running through your mind, hour by hour, minute by minute would you be content with others knowing how you truly feel and what you truly think?

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If the whole world could read that which you think, and feel, would the world be blessed by your presence? Sometimes our thoughts run just below the surface of consciousness and they become angry, resentful, jealous, or down right mean toward others. In truth, those thoughts are just as damaging to the thinker than to others, and perhaps even more so.

Work to 'awaken' to the very thoughts that rule your day. Work to consciously, intentionally and purposefully fill your mind/body/spirit with loving, peaceful and kind thoughts about self and others.

There is no way to peace, when you are filled with the opposite~

Peace,
Juli
www.coaching-forlife.com

PEACE Challenge: DAY 20!!

Welcome Back to the Peace Challenge!

We are half way through our 40 day challenge, ending on Valentines Day~

a note: i received a very compelling email from a man who is following this daily, and is sad beyond belief that his wife will not engage in the challenge with him. He was seeing no reason to continue as he struggles with his family 'falling apart'.

I encourage him, as I do each of you today, to know in the deepest part of your spirit that

Peace can not be given to you, found for you or forced in you.

Every one of us longs for peace, quiet and calm. Every one of us, whether we know it or not, want more than anything, a life of ease and joy.

It is in you; you were born with it; the spirit that God gifts each of us with, a spirit full of joy, life and excitement; willing to take risks, love openly and invite any and everyone in. Remember? Can you remember the joy you once had?

It is still there, just buried by the events of this life that we mistakenly have begun to believe can consume us, so they do.

You live in this world, but are not of this world~ No event in this life can destroy you, only your reaction to it can destroy you. No person in this world can destroy you, only your reaction to them can destroy you.

Nobody can give you peace, deep internal and eternal peace, only you can do that for you. As you do this and live this more and more for you, others in your sphere will be drawn in, on their own, which is really the only way.

So, don't you dare give up on you, go back, read each post, feel what you feel, but move on~ Make Peace with you first.

Today and everyday,
Peace,
Juli
www.coaching-forlife.com

PEACE Challenge Day 18

Welcome Back to the Peace Challenge and Welcome New Members

I encourage you to view my blog from January 6 forward or visit coaching for LIFE on Facebook and follow the Peace Challenge.

You can do this as a family, at work, in your unit, or with your social/support group, but I encourage you to take the challenge!

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Monday January 25, 2010

Today, Be Nice.....All Day

It sounds so simple. Just be nice. The golden rule, do unto others....

So how did we all wind up so angry, so convinced that we are the right one, the other must be wrong, I am justified in my resentment, lack of forgiveness and rage?

Today, bring Peace.

Be Peace.

Be Nice, all day~

Peace,

Juli

www.coaching-forlife.com

PEACE Challenge: Day 15-16-17

Welcome Back to the Peace Challenge and Welcome New Members

the personal emails some of you have forwarded are very powerful, I pray that you will consider posting your comments as well, so that others may share in the journey toward peace...

Take a moment to review the blog from January 6 forward, print them out, take this challenge as a family, as a team at work or in your social/support group, but take the challenge!

Friday-Saturday-Sunday; January 22, 23 and 24 2010

Pay It Forward This Weekend

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If you have been challenging yourself daily since day one, you are no doubt discovering that Peace, true Peace, has not one thing to do with anything or anyone, but you. It is never about what is happening outside of you, but the ability to find peace, stay in peace internally regardless of that which may be occurring in our world, in your relationships, or in your family today.

Are you who you are because of who others are? Do you become angry, frustrated, loud, unhappy in response to others?

or~ Are you who you are because you know who you are, and you are a peaceful, loving, warm, friendly and generously giving person, regardless of what the world and people in it throw your way?

This weekend, you are the later. You are peace. You are forgiveness. You are calm. You are safety for others. You are living with ease in a quite mind, a calm body and your spirit is lit up with love. You remember with gratitude all that has been given you and all that you have been forgiven.

And, this weekend you take that power in peace and pay it forward.

Do something BIG. Do something real in your life. Forgive that person of long ago. Get off the couch and help a neighbor. Take a blanket to the homeless. Send more than you typically would to Haiti. Start a support group for parents who are scared, lonely and isolated.

This weekend, almost half way through our challenge; Become the Peace you long for in this World, during this lifetime.

Every breath is a second chance. Take the chance and Pay it Forward.

Peace will come. It must. It is written.

Peace,

juli

www.coaching-forlife.com

sign up for free support at the link above

PEACE Challenge: Day 12-13

Welcome Back to the Peace Challenge and Welcome New Members~

Take this challenge as a family, at home, with your partner, or in the office, but take the challenge!

Monday and Tuesday, January 18-19, 2010

See the faults of others only as you desire that they see the faults in you

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Be sure that what you say and what you do; how you treat others, is truly the way you want to be spoken to and treated as well.

If we saw the good in everyone first, and the challenges last, what a day of peace we could all have!

For today,

Peace~

juli

www.coaching-forlife.com

PEACE Challenge: Day 10-11

Welcome Back to the Peace Challenge, and Welcome New Members

Take this challenge as a family, at work, in your unit, social or support group, but take the challenge!!

go back and read the daily encouragements from Peace challenge Day 1 forward~

Saturday and Sunday, January 16, 17, 2010

This weekend, make a bold step toward leaving the legacy you wish to leave to those downstream..

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If you are not clear about your purpose, your legacy will not crystallize.

Stop right now, grab something to write on, and answer this:

What is the legacy that I am leaving to my loved ones?

What will they say about me when I am gone?

How will I be remembered?

Am I today, who I want them to describe me as tomorrow?

Peace comes in knowing, really knowing who you are, maintaining that integrity in truth of self at all times, and living it through your actions.~

Write it down, say it out loud, and go out and BE it, today~

Peace,

Juli

www.coaching-forlife.com

Motivational Speaker

Trainer/Author/

PEACE Challenge: Day 7

Welcome Back to the PEACE Challenge: Day 7, January 12, 2010

and welcome new members to this network of loving individuals working to create more peace at home and in the office!

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Take this challenge as a family, or in the office, or in your social/support groups, but forward this to all you know and take the challenge!

PEACE Challenge: Day 7

Today, stay away from anyone who belittles you in anyway.

Small people do that to feel better themselves. Great people make you believe you too, can become great!

You will feel more peaceful as you clear your environment of those who belittle you-and your peace will emanate out to others.

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Go back and read each day, print them out, forward them, if you follow a simple, daily plan, your 2010 will become more peaceful. It will, it must, but you have to want it, you have to redirect your energy toward PEACE with an intentional and purposeful plan.

For today,

Peace,

Juli

www.coaching-forlife.com

Peace Challenge; Day 6

Welcome Back to the Peace Challenge! Day 6, January 11, 2010
and welcome Newcomers to our loving community with the sole purpose of increasing peace in our world, one day at a time.
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Please see the previous posts on this blog, beginning January 6, 2010 and forward this to all you know. Take this challenge as a family, take this challenge in your office, but take the challenge!!

For today:

Peace Challenge Day 6:

Listen more than you talk.

Be very aware today of how much you listen and learn, rather than talk and teach. The best teachers in the world learn most when they too, become the student.

With your children, your partner, your employees, for the coming 24 hours, listen and learn, more than you talk.

You will be surprised, most of you, of the outcome. Post them so we may all learn from each other. You are not alone, I promise!

For today,
Peace,
juli
www.coaching-forlife.com

Peace Challenge: Day 4-5

Welcome Back to the PEACE challenge: Day 4-5
thanks for being a part of this loving community working to create peace for all, AND Welcome New Members!!

From Jan 6-Valentines Day 2010 We are challenging ourselves to add one peace filled gesture to our days. It is simple and rewarding for all who take the challenge.

Please, forward this blog to all you know!
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Day 4-5: Saturday and Sunday-Jan 9-10, 2010:
Touch someone gently, as you look them in the eye, silently for just a moment. The most powerful connections that can create peace between two people need no words at all.

and~hold hands with your partner, your child, your neighbor as you visit today for a few moments.

This weekend we are focused on healing touch which brings peace to body/mind/spirit.

And don't forget, follow us on facebook: coaching for life/juli alvarado and post your replies here or there for others to follow!

For now,
Peace,
Juli
www.coaching-forlife.com

Choose the Mess!

Holidays 2009:
These are the "those were the days" memories that your children will take with them and talk about one day, not far from now.

My daughter needed cleats, what's new, she has played competitive soccer all her life! I agreed to take her to shop. When I hit the mall, the crowds, the crying babies, angry adults, frustrated shopkeepers and overwhelming sensory experience at the same time that I saw the price tag on THE cleats, I lost it.

Regulation, out the window-gone-disappeared-lost! I was frustrated with her, the shoes, myself, and the timing. I was grumpy, short with her and far from peaceful inside. I was not the mother that I long to be remembered as.

As I reflected driving home, I quickly realized some things:
that I am so blessed to have a daughter who is healthy enough to play soccer
that I am so blessed to have the means to buy her THE cleats
that I am so blessed to have a teen who actually wants to be in a mall with her mother
that I am so blessed to be able to provide a home, food and clothing for my family
that I am so blessed to be with my family this sacred time of year

All those blessings, yet all I could feel was exasperated.

I do not want my child to remember me as exasperated. I want her to feel blessed when she remembers me. I do not want my child to remember me short with her, but patient with her. I do not want my child to remember me as grumpy, but as full of joy and peace.

So, today I will learn from my past and be a better person in the moment. I will count all my blessings when I begin to get stressed: I will allow gratitude for what I do have to fill me when I am sulking in what I don't have: and when life gets really tough I will remember that the option is death. Having lost my own mother way too young, I will thank God for having me here with my children.

Life is messy. Death is not. Today I choose the mess~

Peace,
Juli
www.coaching-forlife.com

Thoughts on valuing children

When children know they are valued, when they truly feel valued in the deepest part of themselves, then they feel valuable~

The feeling of being valuable-"I am a valuable, worthwhile person"-is essential to good mental health and emotional regulation. It is a cornerstone of self discipline.

And, it is a direct effect of parental love. Such a conviction of value and worth are derived from childhood experiences in which the child is valued. This conviction is extremely difficult to achieve in adulthood alone.

Conversely, when children have learned through the parent/child relationship that they are indeed valued it is almost impossible to destroy that spirit, regardless of the challenges of adult life.

Please accept this as a gentle reminder to value your children, all of your children, throughout this holiday season. For some children, this is a very difficult time of year and they need to be valued intensely.

Peace,
Juli
www.coaching-forlife.com

Embracing what is

So, as often happens, it was during a coaching call today that something struck me, and I am here to share!

Accepting whatever it is that comes to you today, (instead of fighting it, resisting it, hating it, getting mad at it, or whatever it is you would typically do with the challenges of your day,) ...will allow you more freedom to actually deal with whatever it is, from more of a state of love, than from the typical state of fear that most of us exist in without even knowing it!

There is such rich life lesson opportunity in the challenges if only we will see it that way. And especially in the most uncomfortable times. It is the discomfort that comes your way to teach you something about you that you may otherwise not have the opportunity to learn.

Of course, most of us wish we could get through the dark times faster, with more ease, with quicker insight and understanding, but the way I see it each time we move through something painful, dark or threatening and come out ok, we have yet one more experience to prove to us that everything, no matter how bad, does happen for a reason, and that we really are and will be OK!

If you can allow yourself to be immersed in this process of moving through the challenges, remain ever aware of your body/mind responses, and conscious of all around you as you move through this process, you will find fascinating information surface about you and your life.

This is living, this is your key to keep living in the present moment, refusing to be taken under by the dark past or scary future, but rather a deep desire to simply live each moment that you are gifted with.

Today, embrace every challenge as a part of your learning experience. Celebrate today!

peace,
Juli
www.coaching-forlife.com
866-570-0604

freedom

How often do you say what they want to hear?
How often do you to gossip about others?
How often do you find yourself in the presence of others to appease them?
How often do you do what you 'should' because you 'should'?
How often do you feel lonely in a crowd?
How often do you feel heard, no, I mean really heard?
How often are you touched gently?
How often do you touch gently?
How often is your love energy sitting dormant?
How often do you feel the need to take the center stage?
How often do you see the beauty of life around you?
How often do you hear birds sing?
How often do you laugh until it hurts?
How often do you feel like crying?

It is July 4, 2009. We live in a country where we are free, free to live, love and laugh openly, at all times, with all people in all ways.

Why would we choose to remain prisoners of fear, not live within that freedom offered in all ways and at anytime we choose it?

If you continue to live in fear, if you continue to remain prisoner of anything, anyone, any experience or any thought, feeling or emotion of yesterday, you are not free.

Today, of all days, consider your freedom and take it back~ others are dying so that you may, and the most important ONE already did~

If you need help, reach out.
Do not give another day of your life away.
It is the only one you will ever have, here on earth.

Happy Independence Day,
Peace,
Juli
www.coaching-forlife.com

Allowing the Light

Good Morning,
It came to me as I was coaching an adoptive mother yesterday, that it is impossible to find the light when you are constantly fighting the dark, and it is impossible to find the good when you are constantly fighting the bad and it is impossible to find love when you are constantly fighting the fear.

Her young adopted daughter is a very scared child of horrible abuse and neglect, and is angry, defiant, mean, rageful, refuses to bathe, tantrums, throws food .... her list to me went on and on and on and on....

And mom went on and on and on in vain through the flood of dark, toxic, painful and fear driven manifestations that have presented themselves in the life of this child in response to a pain that neither she nor most of us can really understand.

After about 30 minutes, I asked mom to get very quiet, to rest with me and to lean into her quiet mind/body and spirit and to only stay there for a few moments. She was almost immediately flooded with tears and a deep feeling of empathy as her mind revisited some of the experiences this child has endured. And in doing so, she was able to find empathy, love and understanding for this child in a new way.

From there, we were able to devise a plan for intervening through the dark, but always toward the light; through the fear, but always toward the love.

Remember this truth, what you pay your attention to, will come back to you.

What are you paying attention to in your loved ones today?

Consider joining us in August for our Healing Retreat for Women;
just visit www.coaching-forlife.com and click on SoulJourn for more information

For today,
Peace,
Juli

Coming Undone

I was thinking this morning about how peaceful life has become for me, even in this chaotic time. My life, like yours, has personal and professional stress right now, yet somehow, this is the most peaceful, happy and content I have felt in my life!

And how I want that for each of you as well!

My business is branching out in a really nice, comfortable and 'real' place for me of more spiritual coaching, life transition coaching and consulting with organizations looking to create a place of sanctuary for their employees, and although I will continue to support child welfare as we have for the past 20 years, there are more opportunities on the horizon!

I will be traveling to the UK for 10 days this summer to work with their National Foster Care Agency as well as a private sector funder in London, and will be providing organizational development work for several large child welfare agencies here in the US, as well as working to grow this new branch of integrative mind/body healing work that has captured my attention madly!

So, with all of this going on, and 5 children at home, and a business to run and marriage to maintain, how do I feel so peaceful?

I choose to no longer merely exist in the facade of false relationships:
I choose to live in the moment, not stuck in the past, not obsessing about the future:
I choose to speak my truth from a place of love, always, knowing I may lose some loved ones:
I choose to refuse to blame anyone anywhere for anything in my life:
I choose to OWN MY LIFE:

No more going through the motions; no more wondering what life would be like if I give it my all.
I give it my all.

Remember, courage is not the absence of fear, it is moving forward in its midst> I have fear, yet I have courage too!

And when I am tired, than I give only that which I can give, which may not be much, but is with love from a tired place. It is ok to be tired, it is ok to need respite, it is ok to need.

I hope that some of you reading my blog will consider joining me this August 14-16 for a healing retreat, where you too, will have the opportunity to come undone from the stress, from the anger, from the frustration and pain that has plagued you for too long. Where you will have the opportunity to create real methods for living in peace and for creating sanctuary not only for yourself but for all those whom you love.

For more information, please email me at info@coaching-forlife.com and I will send you the information for our Aug 14-16 Healing Retreat!

Until then,
Peace,
Juli

A day in the life of Juli: Foster Mom

A typical Saturday, on the soccer field again: Oh yea, I am a soccer mom too!

My newly placed, 3 year old foster son was determined to get on the field with my daughter. As I picked him up for about the 20th time to try to explain that it was not safe, he began to pull my hair, scream that I was hurting him, kick me, pinch me, hit me, and spit on me while yelling at me, ALL at the same time.

"Breathe, Juli, Breathe!" I felt certain everyone could hear me yelling at myself! I wasn’t sure I could walk away without allowing my state of dysregulation to play out in public! I know I don’t have to ask you if you believe that is possible! You work in foster care and adoption!! Everyone and I do mean EVERYONE at that indoor soccer arena was looking at me as if I was the worst mother, the worst possible thing that could happen to this little boy and to them.

Sweat was rolling, my arms were about to give out, my back was seriously in trouble by this point and he had thrown about 4 metal cars at anyone near us, which I could not bend down and pick up. My daughter, about to start one of the most important games of her competitive season, stood in the goalie box torn between concerns for her little foster brother, for me and for herself, as any 13 year old girl would. Oh yea, back to the, “I wasn’t sure I could walk away without allowing my state of dysregulation to play out in public.” The nicely dressed lady, sitting in her luxury folding chair with her initials on it, drinking her hot starbucks on a freezing winter day, had provided me with her parenting advise, in a not so quiet voice, “if you don’t get this under control now while he is little, you never will. You can not let a little boy get everything he wants, huff huff and puff puff.”

Ok, I added the huff huff puff puff~ and into dysregulation I began to spiral!

STOP/DROP/ROLL (one of the parenting interventions I teach in Emotional Regulatory Parenting) saved her from some uglyness; ugly words, or perhaps even a little kick from a little boy whom I could not control as I decided how close to get to her with him in my arms, making my getaway to the outside world where his screaming would not penetrate so deeply those around us.

Really, if not for the journey I have traveled, the transitions I have made and work I continue to do moving from chaos to calm in my own life, I would have completely gone mad on her, right there in public. I was giving this little boy who had been with me no more than a week, all of the energy I had so as not to loose it and hurt him or myself in some way. For God's sake did she not have any clue why he could be acting this way??? Oh yea, of course she didn't, nor did I!

He had pushed me to the brink of physical and emotional limit that I had that day yet I was consumed with proving to him that NO MATTER WHAT, I would not do to him what had possibly been done to him rendering him a little boy in foster care who screamed all day, slept less than 5 hours a day for the first week in my home, and had eyes wide as saucers anytime anyone approached him. Because of emotional regulation, that nice lady may continue to believe that she knows best, but I DON'T CARE.

I DO CARE about my little boy, I care about what his needs are, not mine in that moment of being judged yet again, I care about getting him alone with me so to provide whatever emotional safety I can having no earthly idea about what he is even reacting to. I care that I am a foster mother with my child’s interest first. I care about my daughter playing and want to do whatever I have to do to get back to her too.

So he and I, clinging to each other(NOT his choice!), quickly leave, go to the car, and sit in the back where nobody can hear us. I don’t touch him, I cover my head as he continues to hit, and I cry. I cry for his pain that has rendered his little system stuck in fight mode all the time. I cry for the minutes, hours, days, and weeks he has obviously endured with little nurturing. I cry for whatever has happened to him to make him believe he has to hurt me to be safe himself. I cry for all of his hurt. I cry for me, my daughter and the world of pain we are all in.

Then, I stop crying. I have cleared the fear and emotion and now have room to notice that he is sitting quietly, just staring. He says quietly, but firmly, “Don’t take my head off!” and I quietly reply, “Juli will never, ever hurt you for any reason at anytime. How about a piece of gum(gold to him!) and I get to carry you back inside with no hitting.”

He agrees! It worked, this time~ We wipe our tears, with a bit deeper understanding of each other, I fill my pocket with sugar free gum and off we go to watch the rest of the game!

That lady may never think well of me. But my foster son will and the legacy I am leaving is for him, not her. For today, I am ok. Tomorrow, we begin again. And everyday, I pray to leave the legacy that I intend to leave-

for more on emotional regulatory parenting, contact us!
www.coaching-forlife.com

Peace,
Juli

A day in the life of Juli, foster mom

A typical Saturday: On the Soccer Field Again!

My recently placed 3 year old foster son was ripping at my hair, screaming that I was hurting him, kicking, pinching, hitting, and yelling all at the same time.

"Breathe, Juli, Breathe! " I felt certain everyone could hear me talking to myself! I wasn’t sure I could walk away without allowing my state of dysregulation to play out in public! I know I don’t have to ask you if you believe that is possible! You work in foster care and adoption!! Everyone and I do mean EVERYONE at that indoor soccer arena was looking at me as if I was the worst mother, the worst possible thing that could happen to this little boy and to them. Sweat was rolling, my arms were about to give out, my back was seriously in trouble by this point and he had thrown about 4 metal cars at anyone near us, which I could not bend down and pick up. My daughter, about to start one of the most important games of her competitive season, stood in the goalie box torn between concerns for her little foster brother, for me and for herself, as any 13 year old girl would. Oh yea, back to the, “I wasn’t sure I could walk away without allowing my state of dysregulation to play out in public.” The nicely dressed lady, sitting in her luxury folding chair with her initials on it, drinking her hot starbucks on a freezing winter day, provided me with her parenting advise, in a not so quiet voice, “if you don’t get this under control now while he is little, you never will. You can not let a little boy get everything he wants, huff huff and puff puff.” Ok, I added the huff huff puff puff~

STOP/DROP/ROLL saved her from some ugly words, or perhaps even a little kick from a little boy whom I could not control as I decided how close to get to her with him in my arms, making my getaway to the outside world where his screaming would not penetrate so deeply those around us.
Really, if not for the journey I have traveled, the transitions I have made and work I continue to do moving from chaos to calm in my own life, I would have completely gone mad on her, right there in public. I was giving this little boy who had been with me no more than a week, all of the energy I had so as not to loose it and hurt him or myself in some way. He had pushed me to the brink of physical and emotional limit that I had that day and I was consumed with proving to him that NO MATTER WHAT, I would not do to him what had possibly been done to him rendering him a little boy in foster care who screamed all day, slept less than 5 hours a day for the first week in my home, and had eyes wide as saucers anytime anyone approached him. Because of emotional regulation, that nice lady may continue to believe that she knows best, but I DON”T CARE. I CARE about my little boy, I care about what his needs are, not mine in that moment of being judged yet again, I care about getting him alone with me so to provide whatever emotional safety I can having no earthly idea about what he is even reacting to. I care that I am a foster mother with my child’s interest first. I care about my daughter playing and want to do whatever I have to do to get back to her too. So he and I, leave, go to the car, sit in the back where nobody can hear us. I don’t touch him, I cover my head as he continues to hit, and I cry. I cry for his pain that has rendered his little system stuck in fight mode all the time. I cry for the minutes, hours, days, and weeks he has obviously endured with little nurturing. I cry for me, my daughter and the world of pain we are all in.
Then, I stop crying. I have cleared the fear and emotion and now have room to notice that he is sitting quietly, just staring. He says quietly, but firmly, “Don’t take my head off!” and I quietly reply, “Juli will never, ever hurt you for any reason at anytime. How about a piece of gum(gold to him!) and I get to carry you back inside.” He agrees. We wipe our tears, with a bit deeper understanding of each other, I fill my pocket with sugar free gum and off we go to watch the rest of the game!