Peace in the shadow of Pain

It was cold, dark, windy and wet when they arrived, 3am, emergency placement, siblings.

The bruising on the youngest child's face tearing me apart, silently.

The anger on the oldest child's face, seeping through every pore, tearing me apart, silently.

The blank look, vacant eyes of one of them, tearing me apart, silently.

Fear ripping through me, every part of me; what would tomorrow bring?How would I explain this to my other children, 4 of them, when we had agreed to take a break for awhile?What would I tell my clients scheduled to see me tomorrow, and the next day, and the next?How could i possibly meet all of these needs and stay sane?

6am, the sun was coming up in Denver, the youngest had not been able to fall asleep; so neither had I. But it was time to get the rest of the family up and going. Fear settles in, again, tearing me apart silently. She cries, softly, has nothing familiar to cling to, nothing had come with her.

She would not let me hold her, comfort her, get close to her. She too, has marks that I see now~ from her? or someone else? the thoughts tearing me apart, silently.

Pain and Pain and Pain and more pain.

The 3 month old sibling who was transported to a hospital instead of to foster care, has suffered multiple broken bones. they witnessed some of it, auditorily, or visually doesn't matter-that too is tearing me apart, silently. I remember the small, fragile body of my babies at 3 months-oh the pain of this.

But, ..... then, .......in the midst of this dark night of the soul, from within, comes comfort.
Comes relief, comes freedom.

I remember my mantra, taught to me by a wise soul, for the times when the pain is overwhelming and my human brain tries to convince me that I can not handle it, that I can not deal with the reality of this much pain.

"I am yours, they are yours, protect us all, bring peace. I share this pain with thee"

I repeat it over and over, offering up or out or somewhere, the pain that I can not possibly carry alone.

And it dissipates slowly, I begin to breathe and it decreases, I find my mind, my body and my spirit. I find peace again, internally.

I remember the soothing, safe, compassionate, caring, quiet, nice, gentle and understanding part of me as I slide back into relationship with some very scared childern; fully expecting some very challenging days ahead and knowing that if I am who I am always, I can do this.

I can face any challenge in this life, those I bring to me, and those that just appear, from a place of love, understanding and remaining true to who I am.

Their fear will not become my fear. Their anger will not become my anger. Their darkness will not become my darkness.

I will remain the soothing, safe, compassionate, caring, quiet, nice, gentle and understanding person that I know myself to be; regardless of what life brings.

And in that truth, I am set free. I find peace even in the shadow of pain.

Peace,
Juli
www.coaching-forlife.com

The emerging science of happiness...

A very wealthy client of mine, with more possessions than most of us have together, came to me again yesterday, complaining of his ongoing unhappiness, emptiness, lack of connection to others. all his words, not mine....

Seems the more we 'get' in this society, the emptier we somehow feel. Know what I mean?

Happiness is not just being in a good mood, or experiencing joy once in awhile.

Happiness is not a mood. Happiness is not an emotion.

Mood is biochemical...for more see www.coaching-forlife.com

Emotions come and go frequently changing.

True happiness comes when you open yourself to the optimistic possibility that in every moment of life, good or bad, hard or easy, scary or safe, there is something to learn, a direction to grow in, and an exciting possibility of something to come.

True happiness, peace and life come in living the life that is offered to you everyday, instead of fighting what life provides.

If you look around you will find more to be happy with, than to fight with.

Unless of course, you simply prefer to fight...

a list of some components of happiness:
Love
Optimism
Courage
Freedom
Health
Security
Spirituality
Altruism
Servant attitude
Humor
Purpose
Appreciation

Think of these, meditate and pray on these, work toward these.

Work toward happiness, put all of your energy, thoughts and actions toward happiness. Spend not one more minute of your life, unhappy. Its your life after all, you choose....

Peace,
Juli
www.coaching-forlife.com
A 3 day retreat to peace and happiness...
Simply Healing Retreats coming this summer, sign up at
www.coaching-forlife.com for our monthly ezine and further information

Peace Challenge: The final countdown!

this is our last posting by blog in the PEACE Challenge 2010.

You can continue to follow our encouraging work toward peace for all families, individuals and organizations by becoming a fan of our face book page at www.coaching-forlife.com and just click on Face Book right on the home page!!! Please, forward this, spread peace, do what is good for you and our world~

Are you catching the symptoms of inner peace?

Are you comfortable in your own skin?

Is the one, true voice in you calm?

Are you committed to living in love, rather than fear?

Are you ready to let go of the need for outcomes, and live fully in the journey?

Can you move into allowing life to happen instead of forcing it to happen?

Are you honest with your personal feelings?

Are you ready to quit blaming anyone else for anything and get on with your life?

Can you move to curiosity instead of judgment of differences?

********

This weekend, Valentine's Day Weekend, The weekend of Love, 2010,

Let us all

Be Fully Present for this Present Moment and in it seek only Peace

*****

I am off for the long weekend here in beautiful, snowy, white Colorado with my family to bring peace to our lives, to our spirits, to our family. I pray that you will make the time to do the same.

Turn off the screens for awhile, get face to face, listen well, love deep, say what you would regret not saying if time had run out.....

Inner peace is the road to world peace, I pray you catch it~

Peace,

Juli

www.coaching-forlife.com

motivational speaker/organizational consultant/executive and life coach

sign up here www.coaching-forlife.com for our periodic newsletters and coming information on our Simply Healing Retreats for women, couples and families. I will be waiting to hear from you~

Peace Challenge: 6 Days to go

Welcome Back to the Peace Challenge

I encourage you to go back and review each days encouraging message toward inner peace beginning January 6 2010, through Valentines Day 2010

February 9, 2010

The world can not find peace until each of us has enough peace to create a world of peace

*******

You can not give away that which you do not have to give.

Peace comes from within, not from someone or something else.

You don't have much time. You are mortal. Will you end this week in peace~

If you need some support, if it doesn't make sense, if you just can't seem to find it, please, reach out.

Find a coach, mentor, pastor, priest or confidant who will not allow you to wallow in your pain, but will share the pain and encourage you always toward the peace that is waiting for you, and always has been.

Peace,

Juli

www.coaching-forlife.com

motivational speaker/organizational consultant/executive and life coach

Peace Challenge: The last 7 days

Welcome Back to the Peace Challenge 2010

After this week, we will continue to post encouraging suggestions toward increased Peace on our face book page under coaching for LIFE. Please, forward this to anyone you know who is also in search of peace, and consider joining us on Face Book too!

visit me at www.coaching-forlife.com and click on the link to face book on our home page

February 8, 2010

Compassion before competition in all you do today

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How often do you formulate your response before the other person is even done speaking?
How often are you convinced that you are right?
How often do you work to truly understand anothers position before working to sway them toward yours?

Today as you work toward Peace, think about this? Do you really want more peace? Are you sure? Does all of you want more peace or only parts of you? Is there a part of you that is so competitive that it pulls you into fighting, instead of understanding?

Are you willing to compromise and let go some of the old parts of you that no longer serve you well in order to move toward emotional regulation and peace?

I believe that YOU are or you wouldn't be here today, with us.

So today, in all you do, consider your compassion for others before you compete for anything with anyone at anytime.

You will win through compassion every time~

Peace,
Juli
www.coaching-forlife.com
motivational speaker/organizational consultant/executive and life coach

PEACE Challenge: Day 30

Welcome Back to the Peace Challenge!

make sure that you forward this to your team at work, your family and friends.

Hold each other and yourself accountable for the peace in your life.

Do not expect anyone else to do this for you.

This is your life, quit giving it away!

********

For 40 days, from January 6-Valentine's Day 2010

The Peace Challenge

Today, February 5, 2010

we strive for EVEN MORE and push ourselves even a bit FURTHER toward a world of PEACE

Love somebody today as you long to be loved

********

Peaceful loving sometimes requires that we teach that which we long for, by providing it first.

We each receive and offer love from our own paradigms of what love means to and for us. Because we have each received love and learned to give love in diverse manners, we may have to teach those whom we love now, how to love us back, by showing them~

In remaining open to our own deep needs and validating those needs through sharing them with others, we take responsibility for ourselves in a profound new way.

Others may or may not choose to remain in relationship to you and learn to love you as you need, but whether they stay or go no longer dictates your right to be loved; first by self and then by others.

The transformative surrender required in this level of giving and receiving love propels us into the world far above thought, yet spiritually and emotionally sound.

Think about one specific way that you long to be loved. Write it down. Now go out and provide to your loved one~it will soon come back.

Until tomorrow,

Peace,

juli

www.coaching-forlife.com

motivational speaker, organizational consulting, executive and life coaching

PEACE Challenge: Day 29

Welcome Back to the Peace Challenge!

Be sure to go back and review each day's work beginning January 6 thru Valentine's Day

******

February 4, 2010

(today we strive for more, we push ourselves a bit further, we extend into a world of peace)

In the most challenging time during you day today, extend grace to all others

**********

We are all doing the very best that we can do in any given moment. However, when those moments become stressed, we become confused and at times disoriented. In our own times of stress we may act in ways that we would not typically act, yes?

We do what we do from all that we have learned about the world up until that moment in time. We can only do from what we have learned. None of us has reached the point at which we no longer need to learn......not even you~

Many of us have learned to protect ourselves, our emotions, our bodies, our spirits and out of that may unintentionally hurt others, from a place of fear. If we have been hurt, we often become the one pushing others away to 'protect' ourselves from being hurt yet again-the cycle of ongoing hurt is now perpetuated yet we are not aware of our part in it.

Everyone is doing the best they can in any given moment. Today is the day to forgive and offer grace to everyone who acts in ways that upset you, anger you, frustrate you, push you to your 'window of tolerance.'

Today, find that quiet place of peace inside, and extend it out.

Feel your wise, intelligent and loving body/mind/spirit flowing with ease through life.

Choose Peace, Choose Grace, Choose to BE who you know you can truly be.

(an excerpt from my book coming out this Spring, Peace in a Broken World)

Peace,

Juli

www.coaching-forlife.com

motivational trainer/organizational consulting/life coach/relationship expert

PEACE Challenge: Day 28

Welcome Back to the Peace Challenge 2010

For 40 days, beginning January 6 and ending on Valentine's Day, the day of love, we are working collectively to bring nothing but peace to life~

I encourage you to go back and read each daily post beginning Jan. 6 and to print them out, forward them at work, to your family and friends and to join us in Bringing Peace to 2010

********

February 3, 2010

Day 28

No fighting, with yourself .....or others

In a coaching session yesterday, a newer client said to me, "I feel so stuck, I am in a rut and I know it but have absolutely no idea which way to turn, what to do, how to be or how to really change. I am stuck...."

I took a very deep couple of breaths (we had been through this same dialogue several times already) and from somewhere deep within, I replied, "I encourage you to just stop fighting and give it all up."

We were both silent, completely silent for a moment or two at which point I gently reminded her to simply breathe....and the flood gates opened. And I mean OPENED. The fight finally came out, poured out in tears and sobs and more tears for many minutes. No words, just a full, huge release of what she had been fighting with for years.

When I encourage clients to give it up and stop fighting, I am in no way implying defeat, but am instead implying victory. Fighting will never produce a real winner, for even the 'winner' must live with whatever was done to the other in order to 'win.' Fighting off what makes you feel bad, makes you feel bad, which induces the fight which makes you feel bad.....

You and I and everyone, every client (nobody is beyond the hope of healing, nobody) has an incredible source INSIDE of us, that is wise, intelligent and spirited. This source inside of us is a power if you will, a drive, a force and is infinite in spirit.

This source is waiting for you to call on it, to give in to divine surrender, to know that once you can get quiet enough to listen to what you know is right and true and just, and to follow that, you will find peace. This source is IN you, it is not anywhere outside of you. You have been made to manifest the Glory of God in all you do, and the power to do so was gifted to you at conception.

You just have to be quiet enough, removed enough from the noise of your day, to hear it and to listen and to follow.

Even in the times when we alone may not have the energy or wisdom to navigate a challenging time, situation or relationship, there is something inside of us that does.

Only in quieting the mind, calming the body and lighting the spirit can we experience the divine surrender that will offer the guidance we long for, instead of reacting to the conditions outside of us that keep us 'stuck' and overwhelmed.

Today, no more fighting; seek this source, merge with in in body/mind/spirit and feel peace infiltrate as you never have.

Until tomorrow,

Peace,

Juli

www.coaching-forlife.com

PEACE Challenge: Day 14

Welcome Back to the Peace Challenge and Welcome New Members~

If you are just joining us, I encourage you to go back to Day 1, review and print out each of the daily challenges.

Take this challenge at home as a family, at work, in your units, in your support/social groups; but take the challenge.

January 20, 2010

Invite God's presence into every conversation that you have today. See the presence of God in the eyes of those with whom you speak today.

*************************************************

Slow down a bit today, take a breath before you speak, awaken to the words of others, not just your own.

'See' God in all you do, and see yourself through the eyes of God.

Bring Peace into all that you are and all that you do, all day.

Peace,

Juli

Trainer/Motivational Speaker/Coach

www.coaching-forlife.com

sign up for my daily inspirations here: www.coaching-forlife.com/cfl_support.html

PEACE Challenge: Day 12-13

Welcome Back to the Peace Challenge and Welcome New Members~

Take this challenge as a family, at home, with your partner, or in the office, but take the challenge!

Monday and Tuesday, January 18-19, 2010

See the faults of others only as you desire that they see the faults in you

***********************************************

Be sure that what you say and what you do; how you treat others, is truly the way you want to be spoken to and treated as well.

If we saw the good in everyone first, and the challenges last, what a day of peace we could all have!

For today,

Peace~

juli

www.coaching-forlife.com

PEACE Challenge: Day 10-11

Welcome Back to the Peace Challenge, and Welcome New Members

Take this challenge as a family, at work, in your unit, social or support group, but take the challenge!!

go back and read the daily encouragements from Peace challenge Day 1 forward~

Saturday and Sunday, January 16, 17, 2010

This weekend, make a bold step toward leaving the legacy you wish to leave to those downstream..

*******************************************************

If you are not clear about your purpose, your legacy will not crystallize.

Stop right now, grab something to write on, and answer this:

What is the legacy that I am leaving to my loved ones?

What will they say about me when I am gone?

How will I be remembered?

Am I today, who I want them to describe me as tomorrow?

Peace comes in knowing, really knowing who you are, maintaining that integrity in truth of self at all times, and living it through your actions.~

Write it down, say it out loud, and go out and BE it, today~

Peace,

Juli

www.coaching-forlife.com

Motivational Speaker

Trainer/Author/

PEACE Challenge; Day 9

Welcome Back to the Peace Challenge, and welcome new members!!

Take this challenge as a family, in your office or unit at work, or even in your social/support group, but take the challenge !! *********************************

Friday, January 15, 2010

Day 9:

Today, manifest the spirit of God, the divine, in all you do!

*******************************************************

Every human being's purpose is identical in one way, and that is to manifest the spirit of God in a human body and in a human world. An ability to see the good, engage in the good and bring good in all you do!

Can you allow yourself to imagine, for just 60 seconds, a world in which everyone manifests the spirit of god?

WOW...think about that, feel that...all that tranquility and peace, and it can start with you, now!

From an airport once again, and off to humbly learn and teach all at the same time~

Peace,

Juli

www.coaching-forlife.com

PEACE Challenge: Day 7

Welcome Back to the PEACE Challenge: Day 7, January 12, 2010

and welcome new members to this network of loving individuals working to create more peace at home and in the office!

**********************************************************************************
Take this challenge as a family, or in the office, or in your social/support groups, but forward this to all you know and take the challenge!

PEACE Challenge: Day 7

Today, stay away from anyone who belittles you in anyway.

Small people do that to feel better themselves. Great people make you believe you too, can become great!

You will feel more peaceful as you clear your environment of those who belittle you-and your peace will emanate out to others.

***********************************************************************************

Go back and read each day, print them out, forward them, if you follow a simple, daily plan, your 2010 will become more peaceful. It will, it must, but you have to want it, you have to redirect your energy toward PEACE with an intentional and purposeful plan.

For today,

Peace,

Juli

www.coaching-forlife.com

Peace Challenge; Day 6

Welcome Back to the Peace Challenge! Day 6, January 11, 2010
and welcome Newcomers to our loving community with the sole purpose of increasing peace in our world, one day at a time.
***********************************************************************************

Please see the previous posts on this blog, beginning January 6, 2010 and forward this to all you know. Take this challenge as a family, take this challenge in your office, but take the challenge!!

For today:

Peace Challenge Day 6:

Listen more than you talk.

Be very aware today of how much you listen and learn, rather than talk and teach. The best teachers in the world learn most when they too, become the student.

With your children, your partner, your employees, for the coming 24 hours, listen and learn, more than you talk.

You will be surprised, most of you, of the outcome. Post them so we may all learn from each other. You are not alone, I promise!

For today,
Peace,
juli
www.coaching-forlife.com

Peace Challenge: Day 4-5

Welcome Back to the PEACE challenge: Day 4-5
thanks for being a part of this loving community working to create peace for all, AND Welcome New Members!!

From Jan 6-Valentines Day 2010 We are challenging ourselves to add one peace filled gesture to our days. It is simple and rewarding for all who take the challenge.

Please, forward this blog to all you know!
************************************************************************************

Day 4-5: Saturday and Sunday-Jan 9-10, 2010:
Touch someone gently, as you look them in the eye, silently for just a moment. The most powerful connections that can create peace between two people need no words at all.

and~hold hands with your partner, your child, your neighbor as you visit today for a few moments.

This weekend we are focused on healing touch which brings peace to body/mind/spirit.

And don't forget, follow us on facebook: coaching for life/juli alvarado and post your replies here or there for others to follow!

For now,
Peace,
Juli
www.coaching-forlife.com

Choose the Mess!

Holidays 2009:
These are the "those were the days" memories that your children will take with them and talk about one day, not far from now.

My daughter needed cleats, what's new, she has played competitive soccer all her life! I agreed to take her to shop. When I hit the mall, the crowds, the crying babies, angry adults, frustrated shopkeepers and overwhelming sensory experience at the same time that I saw the price tag on THE cleats, I lost it.

Regulation, out the window-gone-disappeared-lost! I was frustrated with her, the shoes, myself, and the timing. I was grumpy, short with her and far from peaceful inside. I was not the mother that I long to be remembered as.

As I reflected driving home, I quickly realized some things:
that I am so blessed to have a daughter who is healthy enough to play soccer
that I am so blessed to have the means to buy her THE cleats
that I am so blessed to have a teen who actually wants to be in a mall with her mother
that I am so blessed to be able to provide a home, food and clothing for my family
that I am so blessed to be with my family this sacred time of year

All those blessings, yet all I could feel was exasperated.

I do not want my child to remember me as exasperated. I want her to feel blessed when she remembers me. I do not want my child to remember me short with her, but patient with her. I do not want my child to remember me as grumpy, but as full of joy and peace.

So, today I will learn from my past and be a better person in the moment. I will count all my blessings when I begin to get stressed: I will allow gratitude for what I do have to fill me when I am sulking in what I don't have: and when life gets really tough I will remember that the option is death. Having lost my own mother way too young, I will thank God for having me here with my children.

Life is messy. Death is not. Today I choose the mess~

Peace,
Juli
www.coaching-forlife.com

Thoughts on valuing children

When children know they are valued, when they truly feel valued in the deepest part of themselves, then they feel valuable~

The feeling of being valuable-"I am a valuable, worthwhile person"-is essential to good mental health and emotional regulation. It is a cornerstone of self discipline.

And, it is a direct effect of parental love. Such a conviction of value and worth are derived from childhood experiences in which the child is valued. This conviction is extremely difficult to achieve in adulthood alone.

Conversely, when children have learned through the parent/child relationship that they are indeed valued it is almost impossible to destroy that spirit, regardless of the challenges of adult life.

Please accept this as a gentle reminder to value your children, all of your children, throughout this holiday season. For some children, this is a very difficult time of year and they need to be valued intensely.

Peace,
Juli
www.coaching-forlife.com

Finding Peace: Through Confirmation or Revelation?

So many of us continue to struggle to find peace. You know why?

The human mind is dysfunctional. It has not caught up yet, to the knowledge that what we may have had to fight yesterday, or yesteryear, no longer requires that we fight! Your brain literally believes that you are at war; you can hear it in your thoughts, the endless chatter in your mind, the inability to find tranquility in your body, the incessant belief that you must always work for more and more, faster and faster in order to achieve success. The hopelessness that some of you feel about life, in this very moment that you are reading. Many of you wonder if peace is even a real possibility at all. Some of you will not even take 2 minutes to finish reading this.

You are not alone. I understand so well. I have been there, and at times, slide back. I pray you will read on for some enlightenment.

Everyday, every hour, it seems as if it could all just come undone; one person says or does one thing and all of a sudden we are in a rage, an all out war fighting for confirmation that what was just said or done CONFIRMS how right we are and how wrong they are!! That they are wrong and we are right and we will even fight harder to prove to you that we are right, which means you are wrong!

And by the way, we have the right to feel as angry and disgusted as we feel!

Some examples:
"I knew you would say that!; See, you always come home mad about something or another; I told you that would happen; why do you always act that way; can't you do just one thing to prove to me that I am worth working for-changing for?; do you even hear me, can you even see me, do you even know that I am here???"

Sound familiar? I know it does for me, some days...and for some of my clients who continue to struggle to find that true, lasting peace is not about what is happening outside, but that which we feel inside.

As a matter of FACT, it is not at all about what happens, it is all about our perception of what happens. And our perception of what happens in this moment is clouded by past experiences that are similar to this moment!

You see, in the experience of each moment of life, we tend to look for confirmation that what this moment brings is just proof that I am right; right that my life is horrible; right that you don't love me; right that I will never feel peace; right that these kids are bad and will never change; right that no model of working with challenging clients really works; right that life will never really change and this is really, all there is.

We look to others to validate that we are right! To feel bad for us, to plllleeeaaaassseee stick by me even when I am so miserable, and even to justify my right to feel horrible by passively ignoring my own inability to see that it is only I that makes ME feel horrible!!

We have not yet experienced the amazing and beneficial effects of inner body awareness, learning to find internal peace through breathing, walking, stopping the insanity around us by moving inward, the sense of freedom that comes in letting go of identifying with your self of the past, and new found inner, deep peace that comes with relinquishing all of the mental, emotional and psychological resistance to what may be revealed to us, in this present moment if only we could let go of needing to be confirmed that we were right in the first place.

Living through REVELATION is an agreement we make with life to simply allow whatever this present moment brings to reveal to me, something about me that helps me be a better me! And in doing so I constantly feel better about me. It is not about confirming that which I think I already know!

If you live life having confirmed to you over and over and over what you already know and believe to be true, you may as well die, for you have stopped any growth and stagnate in the state of who you are, not anywhere close to who you could become.

How often does life bump into you and you react in anger, you don't like what just happened, what that person just said or what color that light just turned?

Living through REVELATION allows you to accept all that happens in this present moment, just in this moment, not through your past, and to learn from every moment that you live. To risk relationship in this moment, even if past relationships hurt; to risk hugging your children even if hugs in the past may not have been healing; to speak gently and quietly even if your past is riddled with yelling and screaming; to love another intimately and emotionally even if you are not sure what that means!

There is an urgent need today, for a change and I mean a radical change in human consciousness if we are to survive as a race and on this planet. As Guy Finley (guyfinley.com) says so well, change does not happen tomorrow, it happens now, or it doesn't happen. Do you want to change? Change. Now.

Those who would swat this message away are most likely stuck in the dysfunctional thoughts that their dysfunctional brain creates because it is all they know. They look for confirmation that they are right and I am wrong, and in doing so remain just as they are. Unhappy.

You never know, there may be something to this revelation.....try it-and let me know.
And if you need more on this subject, post a comment and let's get some good, real conversation going that may prove revealing to all of us~

in the meantime,
Peace,
Juli
www.coaching-forlife.com
info@coaching-forlife.com
303-431-0604

Change

I had convinced myself that coming back from a week away of soul searching, heart searching and thought releasing work, I would struggle to come back home, to work, to life. But the true answer is that all of that time and work prepared me to do just that, come home, full of joy. Joy for what I have, what I am, who I am with, and joy for every struggle that offers yet another opportunity for growth in tolerance, patience, love and kindness.

Let me share this truth yet again, for all of us;
Life is Messy. Our job is to create joy and peace.

I know, without a doubt, that I can not provide peace in this world if I do not have a quiet mind.

Loving what is, right now, right here.
Peace,
Juli
www.coaching-forlife.com

Come find your quiet mind with us August, 14-16, 2009 in a sanctuary healing retreat right outside of the twin cities! visit the site above and click on SoulJourn Summer Retreat for information.

Acheiving Regulation:What goes in must come out

Thought for the day:
What you put in your mind, at some point comes out as a manifestation of how you live.

And so if what you put in your mind is how you want to live, instead of how perhaps you want to leave the life you have been living, you are more likely to achieve that. In other words what you pay attention to is what you get more of.

It is absolutely necessary to fill your mind, your body and fill your spirit with inspiration and motivation so that what comes out of your mind, your body and your spirit leads you to the life you are working to create!

We can not fill our minds with the darkness we are trying to leave. We have to fill it with the light we are trying to achieve~

Consider joining me August 14-16 for SoulJourn Healing Retreat for Women and develop some fail proof methods for creating light in your mind, your body and your spirit toward healing. Contact me at info@coaching-forlife.com for more information.

For now,
Peace,
Juli
http://www.coaching-forlife.com/

Coming Undone

I was thinking this morning about how peaceful life has become for me, even in this chaotic time. My life, like yours, has personal and professional stress right now, yet somehow, this is the most peaceful, happy and content I have felt in my life!

And how I want that for each of you as well!

My business is branching out in a really nice, comfortable and 'real' place for me of more spiritual coaching, life transition coaching and consulting with organizations looking to create a place of sanctuary for their employees, and although I will continue to support child welfare as we have for the past 20 years, there are more opportunities on the horizon!

I will be traveling to the UK for 10 days this summer to work with their National Foster Care Agency as well as a private sector funder in London, and will be providing organizational development work for several large child welfare agencies here in the US, as well as working to grow this new branch of integrative mind/body healing work that has captured my attention madly!

So, with all of this going on, and 5 children at home, and a business to run and marriage to maintain, how do I feel so peaceful?

I choose to no longer merely exist in the facade of false relationships:
I choose to live in the moment, not stuck in the past, not obsessing about the future:
I choose to speak my truth from a place of love, always, knowing I may lose some loved ones:
I choose to refuse to blame anyone anywhere for anything in my life:
I choose to OWN MY LIFE:

No more going through the motions; no more wondering what life would be like if I give it my all.
I give it my all.

Remember, courage is not the absence of fear, it is moving forward in its midst> I have fear, yet I have courage too!

And when I am tired, than I give only that which I can give, which may not be much, but is with love from a tired place. It is ok to be tired, it is ok to need respite, it is ok to need.

I hope that some of you reading my blog will consider joining me this August 14-16 for a healing retreat, where you too, will have the opportunity to come undone from the stress, from the anger, from the frustration and pain that has plagued you for too long. Where you will have the opportunity to create real methods for living in peace and for creating sanctuary not only for yourself but for all those whom you love.

For more information, please email me at info@coaching-forlife.com and I will send you the information for our Aug 14-16 Healing Retreat!

Until then,
Peace,
Juli

From the Dalai Lama~ Peace

"I believe that the very purpose of life is to be happy...in my own limited experience I have found that the more we care for the happiness of others, the greater is our own sense of well being...it is the principal source of success in life. Since we are not solely material creatures, it is a mistake to place all of our hopes for happiness on external development alone. The key is to develop inner peace."
dalai lama

Today, seek internal peace, sanctuary and grace. And then, extend that to others.

Internal peace becomes the fuel to your success. Juli Alvarado

A day in the life of Juli: Foster Mom

A typical Saturday, on the soccer field again: Oh yea, I am a soccer mom too!

My newly placed, 3 year old foster son was determined to get on the field with my daughter. As I picked him up for about the 20th time to try to explain that it was not safe, he began to pull my hair, scream that I was hurting him, kick me, pinch me, hit me, and spit on me while yelling at me, ALL at the same time.

"Breathe, Juli, Breathe!" I felt certain everyone could hear me yelling at myself! I wasn’t sure I could walk away without allowing my state of dysregulation to play out in public! I know I don’t have to ask you if you believe that is possible! You work in foster care and adoption!! Everyone and I do mean EVERYONE at that indoor soccer arena was looking at me as if I was the worst mother, the worst possible thing that could happen to this little boy and to them.

Sweat was rolling, my arms were about to give out, my back was seriously in trouble by this point and he had thrown about 4 metal cars at anyone near us, which I could not bend down and pick up. My daughter, about to start one of the most important games of her competitive season, stood in the goalie box torn between concerns for her little foster brother, for me and for herself, as any 13 year old girl would. Oh yea, back to the, “I wasn’t sure I could walk away without allowing my state of dysregulation to play out in public.” The nicely dressed lady, sitting in her luxury folding chair with her initials on it, drinking her hot starbucks on a freezing winter day, had provided me with her parenting advise, in a not so quiet voice, “if you don’t get this under control now while he is little, you never will. You can not let a little boy get everything he wants, huff huff and puff puff.”

Ok, I added the huff huff puff puff~ and into dysregulation I began to spiral!

STOP/DROP/ROLL (one of the parenting interventions I teach in Emotional Regulatory Parenting) saved her from some uglyness; ugly words, or perhaps even a little kick from a little boy whom I could not control as I decided how close to get to her with him in my arms, making my getaway to the outside world where his screaming would not penetrate so deeply those around us.

Really, if not for the journey I have traveled, the transitions I have made and work I continue to do moving from chaos to calm in my own life, I would have completely gone mad on her, right there in public. I was giving this little boy who had been with me no more than a week, all of the energy I had so as not to loose it and hurt him or myself in some way. For God's sake did she not have any clue why he could be acting this way??? Oh yea, of course she didn't, nor did I!

He had pushed me to the brink of physical and emotional limit that I had that day yet I was consumed with proving to him that NO MATTER WHAT, I would not do to him what had possibly been done to him rendering him a little boy in foster care who screamed all day, slept less than 5 hours a day for the first week in my home, and had eyes wide as saucers anytime anyone approached him. Because of emotional regulation, that nice lady may continue to believe that she knows best, but I DON'T CARE.

I DO CARE about my little boy, I care about what his needs are, not mine in that moment of being judged yet again, I care about getting him alone with me so to provide whatever emotional safety I can having no earthly idea about what he is even reacting to. I care that I am a foster mother with my child’s interest first. I care about my daughter playing and want to do whatever I have to do to get back to her too.

So he and I, clinging to each other(NOT his choice!), quickly leave, go to the car, and sit in the back where nobody can hear us. I don’t touch him, I cover my head as he continues to hit, and I cry. I cry for his pain that has rendered his little system stuck in fight mode all the time. I cry for the minutes, hours, days, and weeks he has obviously endured with little nurturing. I cry for whatever has happened to him to make him believe he has to hurt me to be safe himself. I cry for all of his hurt. I cry for me, my daughter and the world of pain we are all in.

Then, I stop crying. I have cleared the fear and emotion and now have room to notice that he is sitting quietly, just staring. He says quietly, but firmly, “Don’t take my head off!” and I quietly reply, “Juli will never, ever hurt you for any reason at anytime. How about a piece of gum(gold to him!) and I get to carry you back inside with no hitting.”

He agrees! It worked, this time~ We wipe our tears, with a bit deeper understanding of each other, I fill my pocket with sugar free gum and off we go to watch the rest of the game!

That lady may never think well of me. But my foster son will and the legacy I am leaving is for him, not her. For today, I am ok. Tomorrow, we begin again. And everyday, I pray to leave the legacy that I intend to leave-

for more on emotional regulatory parenting, contact us!
www.coaching-forlife.com

Peace,
Juli